Suicide Squirt

Warner Bros. third movie in the DC Extended Universe is another wet turd squirted out of an anal-fissured anus that somehow comes out runnier than Batman v. Superman. This film has a myriad of problems that all mesh together to create a revolting piece of media. I tried to keep an open mind despite reading and watching various reviews. Sometimes I don’t agree with the critics, but I did this time.

Suicide Squad made its problems immediately apparent as it opened with an introduction to our squad with licensed music popping in every few seconds. Ayer and/or Warner Bros. apparently wanted to get that Guardians of the Galaxy feel to it, but where Guardians used the music sparingly and thoughtfully, Suicide Squad hammers it in. Moreover, Guardians’ old school soundtrack is a plot point. Suicide Squad’s is just marketing (Trailer Park, the folks behind the awesome Suicide Squad trailers made this cut of the movie).

A huge problem I have with this movie is that there’s no compelling reason for the Suicide Squad to exist. As I understand it, and what drew me in to the idea of using bad guys to do the government’s dirty work, the Suicide Squad is supposed to be the ultimate deniable weapon of terror. Waller sends them into politically sensitive situations to complete an objective be it stealing state secrets or destroying something, and the US government can put their hands in their pockets while whistling as if they had nothing to do with it. These are just bad guys doing bad guy stuff.

In the movie, however, Waller just sets up the Squad because Superman is dead and they need a group of metahumans that can fight other metahumans. Except only Croc and Diablo are metahumans. Deadshot is just an incredibly good shot, Harley is the Joker’s psychotic girlfriend, and Boomerang just throw boomerangs. I wouldn’t send these guys after Darkseid. Waller uses the Squad’s deniability as a selling point to the military, but they run around a city with a military escort.

The Suicide Squad is sent on a mission to rescue HVT-1 (Waller) from a city under siege by the Enchantress who was under Waller’s control until she escaped. So, really, Waller created this mess all herself. She uses the Suicide Squad to cover up her mistake, but the story shouldn’t have went that way. This movie should’ve been about the Squad going into some political powder keg and caused havoc, not a mission to save their boss. Which, now that I think about it, is a mission the military escort could have done themselves. Like I said, most of the Squad are normal folks.

There was some issues with characterization, as well, mostly due to the editing. During the bar scene, Flag comes in and relieves the Squad of their duties. Everyone stays to keep drinking except Boomerang. He takes his alcohol and leaves. It’s a funny little moment that’s undermined by scene immediately after that. He just comes back with absolutely no reason or motivation. Katana gets some development at the very last moment that makes me laugh at how shoehorned it is. And then the Squad comes together at the end to defeat the Enchantress. Diablo goes all out because he doesn’t want to lose his second family. Meanwhile, I’m laughing because he barely interacted with these people and he considers them family. It’s an unearned moment.

Now, we get to the bad boy, the Joker. He’s just as useless as the Suicide Squad. In fact, he’s more useless than a character I didn’t even mention in this. The Joker, at one point played up to be the big bad of this ‘bortion. He’s only in the film for a few minutes, maybe around twelve minutes. He has no bearing on the story. Nothing he does in the film affects the story.

Overall, this film is shit. Better luck next time Warner Bros.



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